Sealed With a Little Faith

I have been feeling really sorry for myself for some reason lately, for the past week I have just been finding the negative in every situation, those of you that know me know this really isn't like me at all. I feel like I'm in a funk and I hate it! This morning I went to church, it was kind of early (for me ;-)) and I could have made a million excuses not to go but I set my alarm for 8:00 and went. Sitting here now I am so thankful we got up and made the drive because someone gave a talk and I swear it was aimed directly for my heart. There was this woman, she talked about having 4 miscarriages and how after the 4th time she just prayed that the Lord would just help her lose the need for children because she didn't think she could go through the disappointment of another miscarriage. This hit really close to home and it started to make me think. I remember when I became pregnant with Christian, after having so much loss in my life I could not stay positive about my pregnancy. I was negative and for the first couple of months I found the bad in every good thing about being pregnant. I found myself praying so much more than I ever have in my entire life during those first months of being pregnant, I prayed in the morning, at noon and at night, I didn't do it because I thought people would know I did and think to themselves "wow, she really wants a healthy baby" I did it because I needed faith. Through prayer, family support, and lots of love, I made it through that pregnancy and found the most joy I have ever felt in my life, Christian. The day Christian was born felt like a miracle to me and on that day I prayed to God and told him that I would always remember what he did for me, how he held my hand through my journey, and helped me realize that even in my darkest hour I am not alone. Today because I went to church and listened with an open heart this is all coming back to me, I am never alone, I just need to pray for a little faith. I hope I'm not rambling, I just had to put my thoughts into words so I can look back and remember this feeling I'm having today, the feeling I had when Christian was born healthy and beautiful. Sure I lost two babies but I had Christian and I've been blessed to take part in raising Sienna (she's amazing by the way). Sure I don't have my dad anymore but I still have my mom, and so many other wonderful family members who will help guide me the best they can when I'm feeling like this. I have a roof over my head, a house full of people that adore me, and just so many things that I don't have enough time to list to be thankful for. I need to start focusing on those things and starting today I am going to try my best and do just that! I may not have it all but I do have faith and a promise that I will never be alone.